die.

oh my lord and lanta, if my mother in laws annoying golden retriever cries all night loudly downstairs im ging to have a nervous breakdown. also i threw up a salad tonight from zuppas and im pretty sure it was bad...

suck?!

now i have heartburn and i cant sleep.
there's a dog crying downstairs loudly whining

and i want to kill it.

even dash is quiet.

die! die!

lets get rich and die crying.

the best part about brandon (besides everything even the crappy i want to hate you parts) is that he randomly giggles all the time to himself. like, full on, giggles. and he has the best thoughts.

maybe he should write this blog.
j

PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID I COULD EAT THEM!

like, as dumb as a box of macaroni and cheese
and imagine what the nutritional value is

.

negative five billions.

zofran ftw!

going to the ball tonight! ahhhhhh.

not a fan of no fans.

another thing that absoultely frightens me with rage

well, not rage just kidding but seriously
something that bothers me
is

when you go to stay with someone and you forget your pillow, so instead of your comfy pillow you have to sleep on one of their reject pokey dead duck pillows.

and you always sleep with a fan because anyone who sleeps in silence is retarded or at least mentally challenged? just kidding but i dont know how you people do it. deep sleepers. skeepers. pshwahhhh. so when you go away you need some sort of noise and your in laws live in sundance where there is absolute silence except for some freakish animal sounds that occur at random and are usually mating sounds. scary.

they sound like girls screaming.

sceeveyyy! also i cant get anyone to do my hair for the ball.
guh.

i wish kirst was still here in utah so she could help me be beautiful.

im cold.
im tired
im wet
and i have no noise or a comfy pillow


travel fail.
im buying a fan tomorrow.

not a fan of no fans.

jesus wants me for a sunbeam

i just need to vent a little about the poeple upstairs. the minute i put dash outside for the first time all day her stupid fat children start banging on the windows and doors and stomping around because suddenly they want to go outside now that dash is out but they dont want him anywhere nearby. HELLO. they can play anywhere they want in anybody's backyard if they wanted to and dash never gets to go outside, in fact, he crys all day to be let out and once i do i get some stupid dumpy kid knocking on my door to inform me that your dog is outside wihtout a chain oh REALLY? are YOU outside without a chain? yeah shutup. and then they are like oops i opened the gate and your dog ran away.
UGHHHH
just leave us alone! and YEAH my dog craps in the backyard and i dont watch him every freaking second to wait for him to poo and then pick it up. GUHRLKHJASDO;IJ.
and if you're worried about your kids eating poo or stepping in it, here's a life lesson that will take you far- TEACH THEM TO WATCH WHERE THEY ARE PLODDING. yes, PLODDING but in your case, flopping or trodging, or stomping is usually a better term. TEACH THEM THAT YOU DONT WANT DOG SHIT ON YOUR CARPET.


these kids just cant suck it up and get over their fear of dash, he's not gonna eat you or kill you. i cant even walk by their front door by myself without one of them opening the door and looking around scared and being like WHERES DASH?! uh not here. he might jump on you but if you can sit around on your fat asses and watch scary movies all day then im sure you can handle not being comepletely traumatized by a dog that is like a year old and likes to jump.

i freaking want to cut you all.

if my kids are overweight and obnoxious im going to feed them to satan.

why ne

My dog is such a whiner! He woke me up at six this morning because he didnt go to the bathroom the four times we let him out last night. Now brandon is gone to drill and dash is crying because he is gone and i want to go back to bed until he gets back!

I still haven't carved my punkin yet and i'm afraid to because i'll ruin it.

death. mandatory.

okay

i need to vent for realz vent
and im going to do it here because nobody reads this or knows it exists. and i spelled exsisists wrong.

being pregnant SUCKS
alright, it's a miracle but it feels TERRIBLE.
holy moley, how did cavewomen do this? how did NORMAL women do this?

ive never been so sick in my life! maybe ive just had the easiest life ever! but i feel like a walking waking stupor of influenza! only, i can UNDERSTAND why i feel this way! it's not some crazy unknown pathogen or virus, IM KNOCKED UP! it feels kinda sorta good to tell someone this since not everyone knows and i dont want everyone to until it's a for sure thing (farther along, i typed fatter along first, does that matter more?) brandon tells me i can't say i feel sick anymore, instead now i have to say "i am so excited to be a mother!" which i am but right now, im not reaping benefits baby.

peanut is making me ill! to my core! she's trying to kill me! she had me put on chemo medication! which ISNT WORKING! i throw up water, i throw up juice, i throw up apples and bananas, and i throw up jello, WHO THROWS UP JELLO?! am i RIGHT?! ugh it's not something you EVER want to experience, especially if it's the only flavor you like (strawberry fyi)

note to self,
never, ever, ever, take a combination of zofran, zoloft, and benedryl before bedtime on an empty stomach! you will burn your throat and your tongue with chemicals and acid and all awful things you cannot understand! you will cough up blood and your tongue will become swollen and numb! you will feel like that time you were drawing a plant in the gardens and someone told you to be close to things you had to BE them, so you took a bite of the plant even though you didnt know what it was and you had an allergic reaction! YES you did that! am i suffering for past stupidity? i wasn't ever THAT dumb was i? the worst of it all, is that more than anything in the whole world, i've wanted to be a mother. so why is this so hard?

note to self,
no more movies with incredibly ripped men. brandon goes on crazy workout streaks and drinks nutty things to be strong and becomes obsessive with his physique. BUT HE ALREADY LOOKS HOTTER THAN BRAD PITT ON TROY! right now he is on a dead lifting website for idaho, and guess what song is playing? yeah, the peanut's theme song.

chance?

i hope i call peanut peanut all my life, i really like that name.

and if she (or he, i guess i wont rule that out yet, and brandon wants it to be a surprise...?!) is from my genetic pool or brandons, she certainly will be nuts.

hmhmhm.

rantrantrant.

brandon thinks dash wont get any bigger but i think he will. he's started digging holes in the backyard.. no bueno.

if i catch him doing it im gonna knock him into next week

does that mean that because sometimes i want to kill my dog
that i'll be a bad mother?

im so sick.

im starving and nothing sounds or smells good.
nothing tastes good
im dying
!

IM DYING

just cook already!

http://www.justcookalready.com/2010/09/28th-street-photo-gift-giveaway.html


this site is fabulous and they are doing a giveaway!!!!
they do them all the time, i just love em!

I come in peace, I didn't bring artillery. But I am pleading with you with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I'll kill you all. Marine General James Mattis, to Iraqi tribal leaders

you just rolled over and said " dr. dre on wheels.." to me. when i asked you what yyou were talking about you said "because, thats what he's gonna check out when he's done, dr. dre on wheels..." and went back to sleep. up one.

nothing like blaring soft sunday sounds 100.3 on sunday with the windows rolled down at ten at night.

lovebutton.

" its almost like, mormons can't get tattoos, so they put really ugly signs all over their house instead"

all my best thoughts come around you kirst.

"we should invent a plunger for the brain to be specifically used for getting terrible songs unstuck in the head"-brandon

"I've got so much beef in me, i can't do anything'- brandon

dinner at the cochrans

you: ill beat you with a bread stick

and so you did.

you: i want next years father's day to be exactly like this one

me: pizza and the office in bed?

you: and the children can go in the back yard to sleep outside during the day.

me: what?

your ahead

me: "my brain just cant be in more than one place"
you: "i know, that's why it's in your head"

they told you to come here to listen, i came here to live.

dear milk companies, i would like to buy my milk and not have it expire in like four days. i know you pump hormones like crazy into my cows and i don't like it but PUT OUT will you? also, i dont want to ONLY eat cereal in order to use my milk before it expires. give a girl a break. or a bowl of cheerios. LOVE, jacqueline.

the surest way to unlearn something properly is to try to teach it.


if you aren't confident in your subject
you probably shouldn't teach it.

which is why i think teachers are ever increasingly dependent on books instead of their own minds.

"If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree." ~Jim Rohn

THIS IS THE LAST WEDNSDAY ILL BE ALONE
THIS IS THE LAST HUMP DAY THAT I WILL BE HUMPLESS!

i do declare that ratatat is the best cleaning music in the whole entire world.

who doesnt want thsis?

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

eat itttt eat itttt hot dogs have to be defeaated

to the tune of beat it.

why do you need to know what your blood type it

is
7:24amMe

i dunno. you have it written on the front of your chest so it must be important

you're o positive

and im o not sure
7:25amBrandon

just B positive

'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?' - JAY LENO

i hate jay leno. but imagine that, i love this quote.

it seems like right after i feed myself i have to do it AGAIN.

i am a walking oxymoron.
as i sit and type.

i just want to get back to plants. some days it feels like people are the ones who like to live in the dirt.

WHY IS THERE NO ALTERNATIVE TO THE PHRASE "LADIES' MAN" FOR WOMEN?!?

there is nothing almost worse than criticism without suggestion.

im doing really well. im just nervous for brandon to get back. he leaves the station he's at today for a larger one in afghanistan and then they wait there to catch a plane home.

could be ten days, could be three. who knows.

the military is a ridiculous structure of "we do whatever we want to"

its ironic.

kind of like america.

home of the free, seriously in debt.

i wont form too many political ideas here.

some days i want to just change my religion to "spongebob."

some days I want to scream, "BLOW ME TO BERMUDA" like merlin does in the movie the sword in the stone. And some days, I do.

dearest head of my hair
please grow before i kill you.

love,
ja

sacrifice is a strength.

i am, typically imperfect. entirely unreliable and always hungry.

im like a glass of milk half empty half full either way you look at it i'm never whole.

a planting we will go, a planting we will go- you dig the dirt you dig the dirt you dig it and you hoooeeeee. oh is the pH right oh is the pH right? i hope the organiiic fertilizer set up in the niiighhht! utah please don't freeze my plants, oh please don't freeze my plants if you do i'll haaaate you oh please don't freeze my plannnnnts!

dear playtex,
please come back with your slim fits gentle glide deodorized tampon. I am tired of shoving a super sized cork into my vag that doesn't need that yet.

after i have children i'll go super.

but you hurt,

sincerely,
jack

nigel olsen's family is struggling with his death. a marine wife said this to her

"Keep him in your heart, and his memory will live through you."

i want to always remember that about the people who have gone before me, before all of us.

"i don't know, because the answer to that question is yes."

the long stretch should be renamed to the lone stretch.

today i saw a girl who cant have been more than 10 years old who was overweight by about 30 pounds say to her friend "my back bone hurts"

hot bod, no brain, HUGE teeth.

winner.

Jacqueline Cochran is the little blue engine that did!

if my knows falls off in april because it is still cold will you still love me?

(i am not speaking for myself)

is there a reason why men feel that since they are the only asset a woman has that they need to be asses all the time ? do those tie in somehow?

kirsten and i were walking towards church when our conversation turned to the beautiful blossoming trees of spring. there is a certain white puffy (ornamental?) tree that blooms all over (we have them in California on my high school campus) we call them fish trees because they smell awful.

kirsten: why do they smell awful?
me: well, it's like this: even pretty girls fart.

me: what does the face of history look like?
kirsten: Bob Ross. Or Noam Chompsky.

at some point in my life i'd like to own a dinosaur shaped bed. kthnx universe.

there are so many buts though
maybe that's why i have a big butt.

in the next life i am going to come back as a sheep because i've spent the majority of this one feeling sheepish.

rank doesnt define a man

placing a smiley face after something bitchy that you wrote doesn't make it or you less bitchy.
ariiiight?

:]