so, im learning to do the whole mother transition thing. it's really hard. i feel like brandon has no interest in me or anything i care about anymore. its hard to make our relationship interesting and fun, or even routine. we have no designated time for ourselves, and he devotes all of his attentions to his job and school and the marines. we only have conversation about his life, and when i try to talk about how i feel about mine- i feel tuned out and totally depreciated. it's never as important as sleep or school or his relaxing time or working out. the only time i feel like he is showing me any attention is when i cook him something or do something nice for him. i hate feeling this way. it is shattering to my self esteem. i have no confidence, no job, no friends, and no family pretty much. all i have is dash, some chickens and a big empty house. and brandon doesnt even want to hear about those things. i wish i knew how to communicate so that he would listen to me. not just about the house, our dog, our finances, our bills, and his schooling. listen to ME. about me. have interest in me. without yelling and crying. i am tired of waking up in the middle of the night and watching him, wondering if he ever even thinks of me, when i feel like all i do is think of him and what i can possibly do to make him love me again.
he says he does
but
his attitude doesn't.